"What Have I Been Thinking?"

 
     "Real men don't make there girl jealous about the other girls but they make the other girls jealous about there girl."

     According to the book called, "Feeding the Demons" --- Humans are extremely possessive creatures.  When they have something that they love, they will take care of it and be so protective about it.  This king of characteristic for human is simply natural.

                                                    - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -

     Though I want to see her, She keeps on moving away.  It hurts me too much like an addicted person craving for a drug.  My head keeps on wondering, "How is she? Had she eaten? What she's doing? And, where is she?"  I just hate this feeling.  A sickness called anxiety due to so much wondering for the question, "How is she?"

     Everything would be so fine if she says a word even for a while.  I'm not asking all the time.  I single minute to inform me about her whether saying "Hello" or "Hi" is enough.  Yet, a conversation where the cycle only starts on one end and not the way where "Give-and-take" is practiced.  That kind of conversation really hurts.  For it felt like the person who you are talking with is not interested in talking with you.  I hate that conversation.  You keep the conversation alive yet the other person don't do the same.   The worse part is, the other person does not listen to what you say.  It has no difference talking to a wall that doesn't speak, a stuff toy that doesn't hug back, and a ceiling that doesn't breathe.

     I know I'm quite dumb adjusting to other people. So scared of having an argument, for hurting someone is never my action.

     "She kept hitting him; she couldn't hurt him enough.  He didn't try to stop her.  Just cowered under her blows, arms up to defend himself from her attack, huddled against the wall."

                                                                                           -Feeding The Demons

     I'm so use of getting hurt that even if it hurts so much, I will just remove myself from everything.  Nobody cares about what I'm thinking, nobody cares about anything to me.  Only that I care for her.  I'm not afraid of dying but now I met her, dying is never my option. A contract that I would die before my love so forth I will not see her die.

     A promise is a promise.  If  I ask you to say things, I just want to hear those words again if you still remember.  If for you its so redundant, you must be tired of that promise.  Getting tired is losing the feeling that you felt from the beginning.  That will never happen to me.  For a Knight always make there promise true.  Some says that a knight only exist in fairy tales, in dreams, or in anime.  But, it exist in me--- in my heart.  That though I get hurt, bashed, wounded or even if they take a leg or an arm---I will be her knight until forever ends.

     This is how a knight is being honored, that though they get betrayed the keep there loyalty up high.  It will never  be there shame f the are betrayed, because they just trust and serve so much.

     I just hate this feeling.  I really hate it.  The only cure for it is keep myself busy but only my pen and paper works with me.

     MY SICKNESS CALLED ANXIETY!!!!!

©Thylyt19 9:12am 112912

"Antidote"

Heaven's beauty to aid me here.

     I was left dying when something happened.  Someone lift me up and cured me from my illness.  I thought it was my the end but it was a miracle that I am here writing this to say thank you to her.
     Abandoned in pain, yes that what did happened, like a zombie that has no particular destination to go. Astray for the path I had chosen before, but because of someone, who loves Panda so much--- I am reborn like a new child.  My strength regained and my spirit boast up.  Is she an angel?  No, I guess not, because she's too real to be a creature who only lives in fantasy.  Maybe she is a white mage or a priestess that cures pain as well as wounds taken from a battle.  Maybe not, knowing she's too beautiful and talented like a princess can be.  Not princess, because she's more than a princess can be.  Nevertheless, a powerful lass that restores me from the battle of my life.  I am grateful I met her.  I am so thankful she helped me during that time.  I could have not been here if she weren't there cheering me up, aiding me to remove all my sorrow as well as the anxiety that I cannot take off by my own self.  I could never repay her for what what she had done to me.  I can never return for what she gave me.  A life that was decaying, a life that was almost gone.  Honestly, if ever I have a wish, I want her to be happy---seeing  her smile and laugh is my goal.  The Girl who is my antidote for my anxiety.

I can remember the sweetness of this

The beautiful Panda girl

     Thank you, beautiful maiden who love panda, I will never forget what you did.  I don't own this life anymore.  It is yours to take over with.  This is the only way I think of returning your deed, offering you my life---And never to abandon your side no matter what happens.  Forgive me, for my short-comings, my failures, as well for my errors.  I know, everything would not be enough even my own life for you.  Yet, I promise myself to serve you with all my life until you have no use of me or my death.

Thank you, Alancel S. Muerong


Thylyt19 9:24am 04102013

"Little Drummer Boy"

   
     "Sometimes, you need children to inspire you when nobody can."

     For a while, I had been having trouble in writing . I can't make a piece of what I want to say.  Its like, I had been shut down to silence for so many things.  My pen kept on rolling but senseless words only do come out .  Then, a little music, I hear form the outside.  Tears came falling as I hear this carol.

     I am just a boy of no money and no place that I can call home.  What I can do is play my drum to feed my hungry tummy.  I have nobody that I can count on. I am also no good at anything else except for what they call as a drummer.  I cannot give what I don't have and I cannot do what I can't do.  This is my best and my everything.  Hope it will make you happy because this is what I truly am.

     I can't help not to cry interpreting who is "The Little Drummer Boy."  It seems to me that we don't have any difference at all.  There's so many people   around me but no one cares about me.  When I'm in pain, I have no body to go.  When I'm in trouble, I can only count myself.  The worse part is, when  you have something, others will become close to you.  They will remind you to share what you have and give until nothing is left.  After that, they will leave you like nothing happens.  They wouldn't  even recall what you did. The cruelty of loneliness touches my skin and, again, I do what I do with my best.

     Those caroling children who played the little drummer boy.  The help me remind who I really am.  A person who have nothing yet can offer what I do most.  A sad guy who wants to be taken care of.  And an individual who have  a heart that needs to be warmth.  On the other hand, I was lucky to hear the playing.  They push me to write my feelings.  My weakness that I keep inside me and the things which I still ignore though it hurts me.  You will see me smiling but do you know if its real?  You will always see me though I am always away and apart.   Sometimes, it makes me feel more okay in a less crowdy area than a very happy place yet nobody knows my existence.

     Maybe I'm fated to be like this.  The little drummer boy of nothing to offer yet still willing to give what all he have just to delight his highness though he get nothing in return.

Thylyt19 9:06 am 12172012
     

"I Need You In My Life."

I can't live without her

     I like to be alone--- no one shall bother, silence is implemented, and I can only think about myself.  Imagine a lifestyle that you only prioritize yourself.  Practically, its a smart choice. what you spend will be returned for yourself, and you could also gain faster progress.  The problem is, "Are you happy?"  Honestly, I used to be that person  but eversince I met this girl my life had change. 

She is my princess

     She is a princess that have beauty and brains.  No wonder my silent world was broken by her smile.  I don't even know if how I met her was luck of by fate because I was just looking around when she came.  I got stunned, I got mesmerize, I got struck, and I even fall for such unique entity beyond my nearest perception.  Just like an addict who keeps on wanting more for his drug.  I always crave to see that beauty.  I felt that a day is incomplete without seeing her.  Sometimes, she serves as my medicine.  Even if how bad or how painful a day can be, just by seeing her, my day will be a sunny day.  Funny if how do I get those feelings yet I am happy to have those.  Also, that aura of hers, there is something that keeps me going as I spent time with her.  I never felt that feeling to anyone.  A feeling that I can be just me and never to set any standard just to impress somebody.  Someone that I can take my ease and relax my head upon.  I'm already tired of how rude and painful life can be yet she is the only reason why life can be worth living for.  The one that I would want to wake up every morning and the person whom I am willing to struggle until the end of eternity.  I remember, how lively and persistent she can be.  To obtain her goal, she surpass every norms that  exist.  I also learn alot  of things from this princess because during my childhood, I was not that active.  I don't play alot.  I only play alone with my toys back then.  I don't even have many friends when I was a child so I only know a few.  She teaches me how to be challenge  in an amusement area.  The urge inside me wants  to know more because of that challenge she taught me.  There are so many wonderful things that he put into my life that stepping forward without her is a torture.  It even hurts viewing walking away.   A smile that is not for me and a happiness that she does not share specially to me are the reasons which makes me cry.  Although  I made a promise. I will never break that just to save myself.  Now, I'm paralyzed without this princess beside me.  An empty world without the one who colored it.  Likewise, I can even say tha I'm okay.  That when you see a dead body in front of me, it would just be normal.  For killing will be my sin to ever see those tears of your ever so pretty face.

Kang Hyo Ae

     Fortunately, you change me into this.  Its hard to put me back from what I am before.  I can't live without you,though it may sound absurd but it would bring me anxiety without you.   Thus, this life of mine have a necessity for you.  I don't want to be alone anymore, "I want to be with you , that will bother me, put noise around me, and I care of more than myself---and that is you, My Love."

Thylyt19 10:17 am 11/15/2012

"My Princess"

Kang Hyo Ae

     A Princess is a daughter of the King and Queen.  The crowd bow down to her and everyone is mesmerize by the Princess.  A beauty next to the Queen that only the strong shall have the right to claim her hand.  Apparently, a Princess only exist afew in reality.  If ever you found one, you are too lucky, because a Princess is far more precious than any treasure.

She is my princess

      In an anime, there are limited stories that a princess is included.  Normally, if there is a princess, there is someone to defend her ---A ninja or better yet a knight.  Just like how Syaoran protects Sakura and how Recca serve Ana.  They will do everything even giving there own life for there princess.  It doesn't matter how painful they serve there princess, it only matters to see there princess to be happy and smile.  I remember how Syaoran protect and serve Sakura from Tsubsa Chronicles---though Sakura doesn't remember him he is willing to do everything for her even if he gets pain in return.  It is much more painful of seeing your princess in pain.  Her pain is twice as the pain for her Knight.  A broken bone, bruises, and cuts are just a simple infliction of pain compared to seeing my princess cry.

     

     "No other woman can parallel a princess in the eye of her Knight.  Every word, every promise, every order is bound by his life."

      I never knew I would serve one in my life and I am happy with it.  A beauty almost all the crowd wants to possess though I'm her Knight, serving and kneeling for that beauty.  Honestly, my princess is so pretty that I should put my guard active because bandits unexpectedly strikes.  I am not worthy to touch her hand but I'm glad my princess would not bother if I soil her skin.

Hyo Ae Rhoan

     I love my princess more than my life that if she doesn't need of my service, I can go astray.  I have nothing to regale the crowd yet I can still shout to them that, I LOVE YOU!!!!

©Thylyt19  10:27 am Nov. 7, 2012

"I Am a Stray Dog"

     This is my life.  I have nowhere to go.  If ever I starve, I have nothing to eat.  If ever it rains, I have no shelter to cover myself.  That's how my life turns yet I don't want to live like it forever.  My hands can still dig the soil.  Likewise, I can move around to attain my needs.  For the meanwhile, I'm grateful that there are those whom accept me from what I am.

This is me in my dream

     A lurker from what's ahead.  Maybe that's  what I am.  I accept whatever challenge come to me.  Alot of pain, suffering, mockery, and death barge with me as I walk here.  Some says, "He's a person who doesn't know pain."  They often see me laugh, silent, and away forma group of people.   Nevertheless, it's just what they see.  Speaking with other people with what you feel can sometimes hurt you more.  Instead of helping , they put more burden to you.  I'm sick of it and I don't want to increase  the grief that I have.  They see m silent.   Yes, I don't speak when I'm thinking.  I oftenly observe it to myself.  Trust, I hardly trust few people as of this day.  Its hard to trust everyone.  Few will be returned yet more will be thrown away.  I know I am a nobody so its the reason some don't treat me right.   Who am I to complain?  They keep on doing tome what hurts me the most---being left behind.
     Alone, I'm already use with that.  I can do whatever I like. I can be whoever I want to be and no one will ever dare to oppose whether I come to think of.  Sometimes, it felt  very wrong when I see people group together.   When I see others mingle---I got the feeling of envy for them.  Guess it would never be remover in my system that someone needs someone or one needs at least one.
     Being astray can lead to anywhere because it has no definite destination.   The problem is, the destination can lead to heaven or hell.  Its the choice that one should make.   Lucky, a family will never abandon a member.  For if one got lost, for sure, the whole family will cross the other side just to bring back what is truly there possession.  Its very difficult to be in a family though being a part is a sure blessing.  Removing the meaning of astray and to lead whatever goal to attain.



©Thylyt19  8:34 pm June 23, 2012

Can You Help Me?

     I need to buy a new pair of shoes.  It is either rubber shoes or black shoes.  My black shoes has a hole on its side so it would really need a replacement while my rubber shoes, are tearing apart.  Both shoes has a major damage on the right foot.  I don't really know why.  Maybe, I use my right foot most of the time instead of the left foot.  Random words I guess.  I just felt to say it because back then when I was a child I don't need one either.  Someone would just give me one if I need them.  Too bad, when your young, many people wants to support you.  As you get old, you are on your own.  You fall, get up for yourself because nobody cares about you.  The funny thing is--- when I'm starting to get up from my fall, people would want to jump on my back. Don't get me wrong.  I'm just getting literal about things that happen to me.

     I know everyone has there own problem.  Its the reason I don't jump in to others lives just to relief myself.  I want one who will stay and would never hurt me.  I simply found out that this people don't much exist yet you can still find few of them.

     Being lucky?  Its a dumb thing to ever trust everything to luck.  I understand luck as "One-time-opportunity" and it will never happen again.  Achieving a goal more than once, I think its never a luck anymore.  Hardwork is what you call it.  I see, even to myself , that we don't like pain.  Hardwork consist pain if you would know. Although without pain we can never be strong as we would like to be.  We can never go the stars of fulfill our dream.  Become rich and have a wonderful life.  I think for me it would e very far.  As my shoes got broke, I need to find where should I get the money to buy a pair of shoes.  I should also think what to eat for I had eaten twice a day recently.  My treasure?  I had given the to my younger sister because she much more needed it than I do.  

     By the way, I didn't understand another thing.  Why do people stay by your side when they need something and as they got what they want, they would disappear like nothing happens.  I suppose parasite do exist.  Its alright that some can't help financially though having there presence during the time of sorrow is much more appreciative than saying "I have nothing to help."

     I was taught by my colleagues to help whenever you can because me too was in time of despair yet those people were the one who aid me.  Call me "ruthless"  or whatever me name you can call me.  I only do what I know is right, and more oftenly, the right thing is the ridiculous act.

     

     A pair of shoes, a bag, and food for lunch and dinner. . . I have to think of where should I get the money for this.

4:36 pm April 7, 2012 Thylyt19